To my precious little BB,
My last entry seems like so long ago and the days and weeks are passing by so very quickly now... I cannot believe that your due date is only 64 days away!!! You’ll be very happy to know that after the confusion surrounding your gender and the shock of finding out you are the opposite sex to what we were originally told, it only took your Dad and me a day or so to adjust to the idea of a different you ... and now we cannot possibly imagine having anyone else! It’s hard for you not to always be on our minds and we talk about you constantly. My days are filled with thoughts of you. I think about meeting you and holding you for the first time. About bringing you home with us and having you fill our world with so much more than we could ever imagine. I think about both the near and distant future and daydream about all that will be.
During your last scan we were graced with the presence of your Grandma and Puppa Bouw who just spent 12 days with us here in KL. I had organised as a surprise for them to attend our appointment and between you and I, they were more excited about this than their actual holiday or seeing your Dad and I... it’s all about YOU baby... and rightfully so :) It was priceless to see their faces light up when you appeared on the screen... not to mention the fact that we had to practically lift your Puppa’s jaw off the floor because he was so amazed by the whole experience... especially hearing your heartbeat! It was so nice to be able to share you with them and fuel all of our excitement a little more! AND yes, you are even more adorable than the last time we saw you!
But as my excitement is growing, I must admit, so are my nerves. Your Mummy is an ‘over thinker’ at the best of times, but over the last few weeks I have been waking in the middle of the night (and not just to make several trips to relieve my bladder) but due to stupid, silly, crazy, pregnant baby dreams! I have had some beautifully vivid ones... my favourite was the one where your little face was so perfectly clear to me that when I woke I was so overcome with pride that we had created you and I knew I had just fallen even MORE in love with you. BUT then there are the dreams where I find myself going into your nursery over and over again to check that you are ok and still wrapped in your swaddle properly... and where you are so tiny when you are born that all the clothes I have bought for you are FAR too big and I wake with the urge to immediately jump online and purchase some smaller items just to be ‘more prepared’... if there is such a thing?! I know these are only petty things but I have had the odd dream (well, more like nightmare) that I would rather not think or talk about. Surely I am not the only expectant mother to have these? And secretly, apart from my night visions, there are my real life anxieties which I suppose are also a natural thing to be feeling. Motherhood was something that I felt, from a very young age, I would be good at... and now with you on your way, I am hoping more than ever that I was right.
Talking about ‘being prepared’ my little one, your nursery is coming along SO nicely! I am absolutely thrilled with all of my purchases so far (most of which were made on Etsy) and I am having the best time creating this haven for you. Your Daddy and I continue to slowly tick things off our BB ‘to do’ list but it is amazing how much a little bubba such as yourself needs! The other thing that we have been working on is a ‘list of names’ for you! We think we have a shortlist although have both agreed that we will not decide on your name until we meet you! This is another thing I know I will be losing sleep over :P
Look at our 'outie'!
You have continued to be an absolute blessing during pregnancy and besides my emotions/occasional mood swings which can sometimes get the better of me (um hello I am after all human, or should I say female!) I am still feeling pretty damn great! Your constant kicking and wriggling remains the highlight of each day and it is incredible to feel your strength grow. Your little kicks are so powerful now, there is no need to even touch my tummy... all one has to do is look at our bump and they will clearly see the movements of your tootsies! You are already too cheeky and cute for words and have already brought us so much joy.
So my precious little BB, with only 9 weeks until your due date, I will be seeing you very soon... but until then, as always, I cannot wait until our next scan in two weeks time.
I love you my darling bubba...